Here is a few posts I put on Facebook/Instagram about how
I have been feeling and coping...
11/5/2018 My bruises are fading and my body is healing, for which I am grateful. Oh how I wish my heart and my mind would heal as quickly. Today has been a hard day even though I have found joy in moments today I've also had many moments of sadness. Choices, even right choices can still be hard to understand and accept. I've posted my happy moments and just to stay real I'm posting this. This journey of healing has just begun and I'm trying different things to help me cope and heal. Writing and being open is one I'm trying... let's see if putting this out in the world might just help me sleep tonight... thanks to everyone that has been a listening ear and for the support and love I've felt! I have such amazing people in my life! God and Christ who are in my soul and truly understand what I'm feeling and can help me through this.
11/19/2018 Writing these little snippets of what I'm feeling and putting out there has seemed to help me. So I think I'm going to keep writing these. I was so hoping that having Trent home would magically heal me and that I would be back to my normal self... well having Trent home has helped me a ton! However, I'm still finding that there are many moments in my day when I'm sad and grieving and trying to still let my heart accept my decision. Feeling such overwhelming sadness and responsibility for the choice I made is surprising to me. I'm trying really hard to be patient with myself and not to expect too much too soon. I'm also tired of being on the verge of tears all the time and having emotions so close to the surface. I'm wanting to make the healing happen faster than it's happening... it's hard feeling like you're not whole and trying to figure out how to feel whole again when in reality I need to understand that I will be a different whole than I was before. My body is still healing and I get reminded weekly at blood draws that the physical part of healing isn't over either. I just want to feel whole again and be back to my normal happy self... In my head on repeat is "Just be patient with you! This isn't going to heal overnight!"
11/21/2018 Today has been a very rough day for me emotionally. Sleep has been a major issue throughout this entire experience and last night was especially rough. Nightmares (Especially ones about my experience) are terrifying to me and to have them when Trent was out of town was awful. But these girls have been amazing and have given me many moments of joy today. I was once again reminded that my journey of emotional healing is just beginning...
11/19/2018 Writing these little snippets of what I'm feeling and putting out there has seemed to help me. So I think I'm going to keep writing these. I was so hoping that having Trent home would magically heal me and that I would be back to my normal self... well having Trent home has helped me a ton! However, I'm still finding that there are many moments in my day when I'm sad and grieving and trying to still let my heart accept my decision. Feeling such overwhelming sadness and responsibility for the choice I made is surprising to me. I'm trying really hard to be patient with myself and not to expect too much too soon. I'm also tired of being on the verge of tears all the time and having emotions so close to the surface. I'm wanting to make the healing happen faster than it's happening... it's hard feeling like you're not whole and trying to figure out how to feel whole again when in reality I need to understand that I will be a different whole than I was before. My body is still healing and I get reminded weekly at blood draws that the physical part of healing isn't over either. I just want to feel whole again and be back to my normal happy self... In my head on repeat is "Just be patient with you! This isn't going to heal overnight!"
11/21/2018 Today has been a very rough day for me emotionally. Sleep has been a major issue throughout this entire experience and last night was especially rough. Nightmares (Especially ones about my experience) are terrifying to me and to have them when Trent was out of town was awful. But these girls have been amazing and have given me many moments of joy today. I was once again reminded that my journey of emotional healing is just beginning...
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